Sexual Issues for Men
By Oliver Jones
University of Technology, Sydney
 Introduction
You may not have to read this at all, you know. Many of you will be in serious,
long-term or even marital relationships back at home and for you guys Yogya
has neither sex nor sexual issues. But, for the rest of you, sex will become
relevant at one point or another and you need to prepared. Because you are
now living in a community whose thought and action towards sex is very different
from your own. You can negotiate those differences with a few basic guidelines.
The
Cultural Assumption
The textbooks and dictionaries tell us that culture is something along the
lines of acts or practices particular to a group, race or nation. But, in Indonesia,
whose acts or practices are these? Do we look to government, whose pronouncements
of culture are often aspirational and always politically motivated? Do we ask
the Javanese, the Sundanese, the Timorese or the Balinese - and get a different
answer from each? Do we look to the aged and orthodox or the young and impressionable
( with the latter often more familiar with Western culture than we)? Or, exhausted,
do we languish among the alternative and dysfunctional (that exciting periphery
of every society) for whom culture is everything everybody else isn't?
I can't answer these questions. After nearly a year in this country, I'm still
uncertain about what Indonesian culture actually is. It's for this reason that
in delivering these guidelines, I can't identify Indonesian "norms"
or safely make generalizations about "Indonesian culture". All I can
do is give you cultural presumptions - that is an act, practice or state of
affairs which you should presume to exist until you see clear evidence to the
contrary. And "evidence to the contrary" doesn't occur when you are
simply not told of something - because Indonesians can be fond of assuming your
familiarity with their acts or practices. Rather, "evidence to the contrary"
consists of asking a direct question and receiving a direct answer that a certain
state of affairs does NOT exist.
It's worth adding that even if any of these cultural presumptions turn out to
be accurate - you don't have to abide by them. Obviously being a guest in a
foreign country demands a certain amount of polite flexibility. But you can
still decide that you disagree with acts or practices you encounter and refuse
to follow suit. It may make life difficult for you, but it remains your prerogative.
Orientation
Any discussion of sexual issues must encompass both heterosexual and homosexual
activity. For the homosexual or bisexual ACICIS male, it very much depends on
where you are. I don't know how far homosexuality is a recognised part of traditional
Javanese culture, but certainly in the kampungs around Yogya you will find conversation
peppered with statements like "People without a religion are BAD"
(emphasis in the original), "Homosexuality is WRONG" (gay atheists
on the ACICIS program beware!) and (my own personal favourite) "The Australian
Aborigines were originally slaves from Africa".
Having said that, within the metropolis, you will find Yogya (along with Jakarta
and Bali) is considered gay paradise in Indonesia. Every night spot has its
group of gay men and (if you'd rather not rub shoulders with those perverted
heterosexuals) there can be found tempat khusus orang gay. It may even be the
case that for you guys being gay is (for once) easier than being heterosexual.
That's because you enter a fairly tight-knit clique which keeps its distance
from traditional Javanese prudishness in the first place. In this way, you might
sidestep cultural difficulties altogether.
Preparation
On the technical side, contraception is readily available in Yogya as a legacy
of the New Order's Program Keluarga Berencana. But if you thought buying condoms
in Australia was embarrassing you wait until you walk into an Indonesian apotik.
As she wraps up your condoms, the Mbak Jilbab will say, "I can't believe
it: this is his third packet in two weeks!" and her friend will reply,
"Yeah, but you know the bules: selalu..." How you deal with this embarrassment
is very much up to you. One ACICIS male tried sledgehammer tactics by shouting
from the doorway `Where are your condoms?' and then at the counter announcing,
`I'll take two packets, actually, no, better make that three'.
Some past ACICIS students complained that the Indonesian condoms were too small.
This is, of course, male delusions of grandeur: Indonesian condoms are made
under the auspices of Ansell in conformity with international standards. These
include a standard size which is, shall we say, of an eloquent sufficiency.
The obstacles to purchasing condoms fade in comparison with obtaining the pill.
Tanda tangans on your resep always seem to be accompanied by Javanese perhatians
on the demerits of pre-marital sex. This seems unavoidable. But remember, however
difficult getting contraception may seem, it's generally better than going without.
The morning after pill is available, but from gynecologists with the same attitudes
to the ones giving prescriptions for the pill. One ACICIS female advises not
to mention unprotected sex taking place at 4.30am.
Equally, abortion in Yogya is best avoided. ACICIS students need to be aware
that Indonesia generally lacks the standard of medical services to which Australians
are accustomed, especially if you're seeking an abortion in Yogya. Horror stories
are many, with abortions costing up to AUD$700, being attempted at 16 weeks
and being performed with a local anaesthetic which loses effect half way through
the operation. You would be better off in Jakarta or Singapore (if you know
either well enough) or (notwithstanding recent hiccups) Perth.
Seduction
Seduction in Indonesia is complicated by the fact that, as a bule, you attract
a lot of attention. That attention includes ostensibly flirtatious behaviour
on the part of Indonesian women. You have to be cautious about the nature
of this behaviour. In most cases, it is safer to presume that it is just
friendly attention rather than an invitation to pacaran. And, if the attention
is especially enthusiastic or insistent and emanating from a liberally dressed
woman at a Yogyan nightspot, you may have fallen victim to a bule hunter.
Bule hunters are not prostitutes, but with their prey they enjoy a certain
economic symbiosis. Whether or not this has appeal is up to you.
Location
Once you've distinguished flirtation and bule hunting, found genuine interest
and are blissfully happy with your Indonesian pacar, you encounter the problem
of location. You should presume in the absence of clear evidence to the
contrary that you cannot have your girlfriend sleep with you in your kos.
It may even be the case that you cannot take your girlfriend into your kos
room and have to chat outside. The Indonesian practice is to go to a hotel
- and several places (with a sense of irony) advertise a Kamar Istirahat
available for up to three hours.
To be quite frank, I find this whole procedure quite degrading and I refuse
to abide by it. For that reason, I live in a "bebas" kos, that
is, a kos without rules. But these can be extremely difficult to find in
Yogya. Moreover, Bapaks of bebas koses are aware that their rooms are in
demand and they charge accordingly. Once located, though, they relieve you
of the rather unsavoury procedure described above.
Aftermath
You're problems don't end with locating a bebas kos. You may still have
to contend with the local community. Perhaps the greatest shock to the ACICIS
student is the deeply communal psyche of Yogya. There often seems to be
more of a focus on conformity with group values rather than individual latitude
or choice. And, if you're a foreigner in a Yogya kampung, you may find you're
lifestyle in your bebas kos the subject of criticism. Moreover, you may
find that this is criticism without critical thought or sensitivity towards
the disparate culture or values your lifestyle reflects. It's up to you
which path you choose. As always, resistance is more difficult than submission.
The Marxists used to say something about dying on one's feet and living
on one's knees.....
Kesimpulan
If I could recap the presumptions or perhatians I've given you I'd say:
(1) The gay ACICIS male should feel cautiously optimistic.
(2) Contraception is available and (given the alternatives) is worth obtaining.
(3) Don't confuse friendliness with genuine interest, no matter how similar
the two may seem.
(4) Beware the bule hunters!
(5) If you want to take your girlfriend to your kos, be absolutely certain it
is bebas.
(6) Be aware and decide on your response to any community criticism all of the
above might provoke.
(7) Semoga sukses in Yogyakarta!
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